Last Song Syndrome

inaamin ko adik nako kay Bonnie Pink.

No matter how much I cry
It won't stop
No matter how hard I grind my teeth in my frustration
No matter how loud I scream
It won't be heard
It just blows out silently

What do I get from building a castle?
What do I get from building a castle?
  ..this lone castle

I take a bath to ease my tensity in the end
I make a cup of jasmine tea by myself to calm me down
I wonder if money can help me to sleep better one day
after the prize, fame and all that jazz

What do I get from building a castle?
What do I get from building a castle?
  ..this lone castle

They tell me to hurt myself
deeper and deeper
They don't know what it's like to stay away from insanity
They tell me to go as far as I can
So I sing to be understood
'til they listen to me
So I sing to be understood
'til they listen to me
So I sing to be understood
'til they listen to me
So I sing to be understood
'til they listen to me

Waiting on the World to Change

John Mayer

me and all my friends
we’re all misunderstood
they say we stand for nothing and
there’s no way we ever could
now we see everything that’s going wrong
with the world and those who lead it
we just feel like we don’t have the means
to rise above and beat it

so we keep waiting
waiting on the world to change
we keep on waiting
waiting on the world to change

it’s hard to beat the system
when we’re standing at a distance
so we keep waiting
waiting on the world to change

now if we had the power
to bring our neighbors home from war
they would have never missed a Christmas
no more ribbons on their door
and when you trust your television
what you get is what you got
cause when they own the information, oh
they can bend it all they want

that’s why we’re waiting
waiting on the world to change
we keep on waiting
waiting on the world to change

it’s not that we don’t care,
we just know that the fight ain’t fair
so we keep on waiting
waiting on the world to change

and we’re still waiting
waiting on the world to change
we keep on waiting waiting on the world to change
one day our generation
is gonna rule the population
so we keep on waiting
waiting on the world to change

we keep on waiting
waiting on the world to change

The moment I decided to drop the teenage angst and look at things from a different angle, I think I started to actually live better. It got easier dealing with people and I really felt something like inner peace, or something. Anyway, I’m not sure if everybody gets the picture but I became a better person, reeeally far from the brat I was at fourteen. Not that I’m a total angel now; I’m still a brat sometimes. I think there still remains a bit of everything in everybody which may be triggered at certain circumstances.

So there I am, happy and all that. And things have been going my way for some time now, so much that there was a time when I felt that something BAD was bound to happen, which is just crazy, I know. So I started to think that I was one lucky person. God likes me.

Last week as I was saying my prayers, or more like thinking them, I came to realize something. I was always praying for everybody I held in my heart, right? How probable was it that other people are praying for me too? So maybe, I’m here standing firm on my legs coz someone says prayers for me every night, and not because of the things I do and not do. It could be. And it’s not unlikely.

It’s amazing when somebody makes you understand something you wouldn’t have understood before due to lack of experience. Like when somebody does you wrong and expects things to be the same. I’d be so indignant about it. But maybe that person isn’t really expecting for things to go back to the way they were, but is really just hoping for the best, a small chance. I think I’ve been on the other end of that line now.

It feels really self-pitying to be so reliant on people. All my decisions always depend on another person. Sometimes I fantasize about going away and not leave a trace. I’d start anew in a place where nobody knew me. But this is just one of the million crazy momentary ideas that occur when the moment makes you. I know I can’t do a thing like that. And I wouldn’t really want too. Coz… well, yeah, I’m too dependent on other people. Not really physically, and this is understandable. We can all take care of ourselves really, but we have emotional strings attached to other hearts.

I wanna go home soon. My mom just dropped by to see me upon coming from my aunt’s funeral in

Bohol

. I haven’t seen a face from home in months. I want to feel at the security of home again. This is a need for a person like me, maybe a need that will always be what it is.

The semester was pretty much like the previous one. I was a little busier but in general it was the same. Of course I believe no two semesters would exactly be the same but what I mean by the same was I still held the same attitude about it. It was still the same old “after-midterm disease”.

Geez I wanna go home.

This post is so lame. I’m always itching to write something down. It’s like my thoughts would go off track if I didn’t. Talk about LAME.

Anyway, music always makes things better.